im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
