it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
