just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize