I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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