i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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