And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
