In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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