Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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