I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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