Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
