dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
