thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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