My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
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