Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
