Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
