it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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