Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
