got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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