my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just want nice things and good sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
