Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
