Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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