Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
