THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pooping to opera.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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