either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
