Ketchup is God's man juice
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She even gives head with a lisp.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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