If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
