i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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