The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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