But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just had sex bonerless
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
false alarm. still invincible.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
