we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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