Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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