Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have so many feelings about this burrito
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
