So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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