what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
