Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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