I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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