My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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