last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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