I wish I could punch you in the face.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
