so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize