All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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