The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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