just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
zippers are such a cool invention
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
