why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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