yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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