found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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