what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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