im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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