It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
