Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize