From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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