Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize