he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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