Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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