I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize