They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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