Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
