are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need moral support for this bender
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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