Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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