If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
People in love make me want to vomit
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
