i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
