I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize