I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
