I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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