Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
