I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
