you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
