So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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