Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
