Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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