What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
