What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
