I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
