I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
