i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
