How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
