it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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