Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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