god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You ruined the universe
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
