My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
