I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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