i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
