You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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