Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
