i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
