I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize