would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
