Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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