he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
